


Self Loathing

by Ruunkur



Series: Rise from Ash [5]
Category: Homestuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-01
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-12-09 02:35:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11659848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ruunkur/pseuds/Ruunkur
Summary: How did Dave end up going back to school?





	Self Loathing

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place ten years prior to Rising from the Ashes.

You shove your hands in your pockets, listening to the wind screech across the street and thinking of John. It had been a long time since you've seen him and you decide that you'll make a point to see him soon. It's early in the morning and you have been unable to sleep for the past couple of nights. You grumble, pulling a hand out of the warmth of the pocket to adjust your shades. Even in the weak light, you find yourself more at ease wearing them. You freeze when you hear someone give a shout of protest your hand halfway back to your pocket.

"Get off me!"

You turn from the path you had been walking. You curse yourself, finding the group of teenagers picking on the younger kid in the distance. You shift your own age in time, even as you're running towards the group. You can't remember doing it, only that you're thinking it wouldn't do well to look like an adult when breaking up a fight of kids. They would run off and you wouldn't get a chance of finding out any information. You can't stand teenagers who pick on younger kids.

"Why should we?" A voice carries back to you and you hurry faster, cursing yourself. Your shorter stride was harder to make up for. You should have done that when you were closer. Then suddenly, you were on the fight. Four teenagers, ages fourteen to sixteen, two pinning down a twelve year old while the other two mock him.

"Hey, get off of him!" You shout, feeling more powerful than them, even looking thirteen. You pull your glasses off as you talk so they wouldn't get broken. They're the ones from John for your actual thirteenth birthday and you have no intentions of having them broken in a schoolyard fight. You grit your teeth, watching the kids and tightening your hand into a fist before relaxing it. You could settle this with words, at least you hope.

"Says who?" One of the teenagers ask, turning to you. You feel your hand curl into a fist again you're moving forward, years of strifing with Bro coming into play. You're not thinking, just reacting.

"Fuck Captor, you actually have friends?" The main kid snorted, his legs on either side of the kid on the ground. He had been hitting him in the chest. "What kind of computer nerd has-"

The kid doesn't get a chance to finish the sentence as you throw your weight at him, smacking his head into the concrete of the sidewalk before bounding back up and looking at the other three. The kid, Captor, gaps at you, mouth wide like a fish. There's blood on your fist and you mentally curse as one of the taller kids-how short had you been when you were thirteen?-comes at you.

You block and throw him into another one, Captor scrambling up from the ground and pulling himself up by the wire fence. Then you turn to the last one, watching as time seems to slow around you before you move forward, faster than possible and punch the last kid down, frustration with the kids growing before you feel a tug on your arm. You look at the face of the last kid, your breath catching when you see the blood. It's glistening red and you feel sick. You swallow back bile, eyes wide.

There's a long pause before you kneel over the side of the sidewalk and puke into the street. It had been years since your last fight that ended in bloodshed and you feel sick at the thought of what you had just done. It had been a stupid decision and you grow to hate yourself all the more for it.

"Hey...Hey, you okay?" The kid, Captor, asks and you turn to look at him, wiping the back of your hand across your mouth. His eyes are wide, his face ghost white from what he just witnessed and you stare at him dumbly as he waves a hand in front of your face. "Hey, kid, you okay?"

"Yeah...I... You okay?" You ask, standing up and wiping the blood on your shirt. You would clean it, maybe burn it, later. You're shaky and the kids have taken the lapse of your attention to scramble away, two of them carrying the main kid awkwardly between them.

"Yeah, you didn't have to jump in like that." Captor says. "My name's Sollux Captor, and you are?"

You stare at him before you realize that he had a lisp, the name having come out as 'Thollux'. "Dave Strider," you say. "Nice to meet you Sollux."

"Why'd you jump in?" Sollux asks, sitting on the sidewalk next to you. You don't recall sitting, your body reacting without your knowledge again. You decide against standing when you realize how shaky your legs are.

"I...I don't like seeing other kids get picked on." You say finally, hands still shaking. You curl your fingers into the sleeves of your jacket. Rose would get a kick out of this one. Dave Strider, swooping in to same some random kid. No, not some random kid. Sollux Captor, a kid carrying the name of a troll you once knew. That had to count for something, right?

"You know they're just going to do it again, tomorrow. You must be new here." Sollux says and you wince as he takes your hand and pulls out a cloth. He wipes up the blood, and you wince when you see that you split the knuckles. You were always better at fighting with your shitty swords than you were hand to hand, but Dirk had kept you up to date on both of those skills. You hadn't wanted to fight, hadn't even wanted to practice but they had made you, so you had done it.

"Yeah... I moved in a couple days ago." It was a lie, you had been living in this town for years and owned an apartment that you were quite proud of. Not that many people ever got to see the inside of it. "What school do you go to?" You ask.

"The Academy of Gifted Minds," Sollux says with a gesture to the school uniform he's wearing. You hadn't even noticed it before. You take in the details, nodding.

"Sweet, my guardian Bro signed me up for it. I'll be starting in two weeks." You say, wanting to kick yourself. Your guardian didn't even exist in this universe. But you could rope Dirk into getting some papers together for you. "What grade you in?"

"Eighth, I had skipped a grade. Could have skipped more, but decided against it. I have enough issues as is." Sollux says and eyes you. "How do I know you aren't doing this for your own benefit? I'm not exactly the kind of person a cool kid like yourself would want to be friends with."

"I am so cool, I'm ice cold and all those sleazy douche bags can't hope to compare to me." You say and listen to Sollux laugh. It's familiar and it clicks in your mind. This Sollux was the Sollux you knew during the game and your breath catches. It wasn't a mistake, it wasn't just a random chance that this kid shared the same name. It was him. Not even a ghost of himself like the others had been, but actually him. He had stayed in the Veil with Aradia, but was still able to come through the gate at the end. Your mind flashes to Karkat and you take a calculated risk. "Know someone named Karkat Vantas?"

"He goes to the school, but is always hanging around this clown wanna be." Sollux says with a roll of his eyes. "I don't talk to them. He's rude and loud. As obnoxious as a kid can be. He doesn't have many friends either. Why do yo uask?"

"Oh, I heard his name from a friend of mine, is all." You say and decide against going down that path. No need to get Sollux to start prying in on friends you didn't have. "But, when I start, do you want to be friends? I would totally like to have a friend like you around."

"I'm not cool, you're going to get made fun of." Sollux says. "I'm a tech geek. Trust me, I'm not worth it."

"And I'm a cool kid who has a passing interest in coding and no need for fake friends. And you seem like a true friend." You look Sollux in the eyes, noting the different color eyes. "You're eyes are pretty."

"Uhm, thanks?" Sollux says and you shake your head, wondering where that had come from.

"Sorry, not a cool thing to say?" You grin. "Friends?"

"Friends," Sollux says and shakes your hand. You get up, shoving your hand back in your pocket before pulling out your phone.

"Let me have your number so I can keep in touch?" You ask. You type in Sollux's number as he rambles it off and takes a pesterchum handle as well. You give him yours in return and flash him a dazzling smile, putting your shades back on. "I'll see you in class in two weeks. And I'll be damned if anyone decides to pick on you again, got it Captor? Not with the coolest kid being best friends. No one gets the upper hand on Dave Strider."

"That sounds like a threat," Sollux says. "But, thanks. I gotta get home, see you later." He starts to walk off and you bite your lip before responding.

"You're welcome. See ya later!" You wave even though he won't see it and walk off, shoving your hands back in your pockets. You feel the hatred of yourself surge as you think back to the fight before you're pulling out your phone. You're far enough from Sollux that you chance a call to Dirk. Before he even gets a chance to say anything, you begin.

"I need you to act as a legal guardian for me to get into a school. We have to forge papers, make it seem like I was born thirteen years ago. You know, all that fun shit. Can we get it set up in less than two weeks? I told someone I would be starting in two weeks and I don't want to disappoint, you know what I mean?" You say, feeling the beginnings of the panic from the fight begin to turn into ramblings.

"You're...going to school?" Dirk asks, cutting you off.

"Yeah, I hate myself enough, and I'm bored enough to send myself back to school. Starting out in eighth grade. I'll send you the info via pesterchum when I get home. Look, I may have ran... I know I ran into Sollux Captor, only he's human and probably doesn't remember anything, that I know of. He didn't recognize me at any rate. So I'm going to befriend him." You say. "And I can rotate my age back. So I'll be thirteen. Again, all the details will be sent to you."

"Okay, I'm lost, but I'll do it. Just stay safe, okay?" Dirk says and you can hear something drop in the background and Jake's voice uttering curses. "Gotta go, bye."

And he hangs up, leaving you on the nearly empty street with the self loathing eating at your thoughts. It would be a long couple of years, but you would do it if it was the chance to meet those trolls turned humans one more time. And maybe, just maybe, they would remember you.


End file.
